Many times Christian believers find themselves unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. They may have been well mated physically, and been congenial mentally, yet had no common faith developed in Christ Who is the foundation for spiritual development and deep spiritual agreement. At best, marriage partners should be compatible physically, mentally, and spiritually. Yet two people who do not believe alike on spiritual matters cannot be truly made one with each other. It cannot be done. This should sober the thinking of those mature enough to "commit matrimony."
"Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence [her due]; and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence." 1 Corinthians 7:1-5
In the normal area of marital relationships, physical togetherness is a prime motivator. In it the wife has power over the husband’s body, and herein is also loving exception for the man's authority over his wife's body. Power, as used in this sense according to Strong's concordance, comes from the Greek word, ‘exousiazo’ (ex-oo-ad'-zo) meaning to control; exercise authority upon; bring under the power of, in the sense of ability, a privilege of force or capacity; potentate; token of control; delegated influence; authority; jurisdiction; a liberty.
Neither the husband nor the wife has the right or privilege of withholding his or her body, mind, or spirit from the other. This fulfills God's purpose in the creation of woman, as when God said it was not good for man to be alone. He therefore created woman to help man on every level of his life. Man was to cleave to her, hold on to her, not put her away.
Now hurts and unhappiness show up over time in marriages, ultimately leading to the defrauding of the other by withholding various levels of intimacy. WITHHOLDING INTIMATE CONTACT IS FRAUDULENT IN A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE. Men have inner fears and frustrations built into our thinking that disable men’s ability to love our mates as we should, especially if we lack wise understanding about our wives.
It takes great spiritual strength to give ourselves openly over years of marriage, to unreservedly and completely love another. Two Christian people in marriage have opportunity to draw upon divine love, therefore having opportunity to experience true love between them. Yet, too frequently Christian marriage partners are instilled with false attitudes that keep defrauding the other concerning the giving of their whole person in marriage union.
God meant exactly what He said in the record: "They two shall become one flesh." Sex is involved when younger and this has no connotation of duty for the specific purpose of reproduction. Sex is part of God's creative life process, His forethought. Sex is His plan for a marriage union the same as food is given to eat. Man is designed to connect with his wife as being made one if all God’s possible help is to be realized.
A Christ-centered woman was made for a Christ-centered man to love. Giving himself up for her sake is the right pattern, just as also Christ loves the ecclesia. In this love-mating, children are born into physical bodies. Also, “begetting spiritual children by the gospel” can bless a fulfilling marriage as unto the Lord. As the church at Ephesus was unfaithful in their first love — having something other than Jesus first — even so the Lord loves His overcoming people.
He is granting overcomers to continually eat from the tree of life in the paradise of God. Likewise, we are to give now the invitation to the wedding feast of the Lambkin. He is offering a spiritual union with Christ, a spiritual partnership or marriage that washes away any spot within our being or wrinkle in our thoughts — anything thatbends us out of shape! He gives the mercy of Christ for all the disloyalty or rejection within our being because Jesus is our tree of life.
"Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." I Corinthians 7:5
The word defraud, is from two Greek words, ‘apostereo’, and ‘stereo,’ meaning to deprive; to despoil, to make destitute; keep back by fraud. Webster defines defraud as ‘to deprive of some right or interest by deception; cheat; withhold wrongfully.’ That word, cheat, is frequently used to describe infidelity and unfaithfulness in a marriage partner.
Pure, clean, self-righteous men and women who are the essence of physical chastity feel martyred if they discover their marriage partner has been adulterous and lying to cheat on them. Yet, perhaps for years, these same men and women have been defrauding their partners by denying their partner's requests and denying privileges of intimate relationship in an otherwise altogether honorable marriage.
Some Christian teachers are grown so deeply religious to say they have outgrown physical affections because they view it as fleshly indulgence. Some Christian leaders forbid marriage in their priesthood. Paul told Timothy not to give heed to deceiving spirits, the teachings of demons, the hypocrisy of false expressions; FORBIDDING TO MARRY and abstaining from foods. Christian leaders forbidding marriage should be recognized as being demonic.
Frauds I say! If such a one even looks at a women's image with desire to lust, he has committed adultery in his heart in God’s eyes. God is judge of all these matters. His divine instruction for marriage partners is:
"Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. Then come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
Consider again two unequally yoked together, a believer with an unbeliever. The believer, prompted by the Holy Spirit, feels drawn to hide away in prayer according to the prompting of the Spirit. The unbelieving partner scoffs at the thought. One of the two must yield. How can two walk together except they be agreed? What partnership has righteousness and lawlessness?
Incontinency means powerless to control oneself; without self-control. This same word is used in instruction to the unmarried and widows, saying,
"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them to abide even as I [with control over his physical need]. But if they cannot contain, [have contingency, or self control] let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn," I Corinthians 7:8-9
"To burn" is the acknowledgment of the great desire which is within men and women for intimate physical relationship with a mate. No shame or stigma should be attached to our "being naked" in married life for God created us in this state it which it is not good for man to be alone.
"Now I am saying to the unmarried and the widows, that it is ideal for them if ever they should be remaining even as I. Yet if they are not controlling themselves, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire. Now to the married I am charging, not I, but the Lord: A wife is not to be separated from her husband. Yet if she should be separated also, let her remain unmarried or be conciliated to her husband. And a husband is not to leave his wife." I Corinthians 7:8-11
Now a Christ-centered husband is not to put away his wife, but to cleave — HOLD ON TO HIS WIFE IN EVERY WAY. Women are admonished NOT TO SEPARATE, ON ANY LEVEL, as to create an empty expanse between themselves and their husbands. She should not be responsible for ANY distance between herself and her husband. Women also are directed to LOVE and not to be unpleasant, either in mind as suggested by being irritable in thought, or afraid in action. She should NOT WITHDRAW from her husband physically, mentally, or spiritually. An irritable woman creates that same attitude upon those around her, especially her husband:
"It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house." Proverbs 25:24
When such a situation exists, a logical reaction is that the husband becomes despondent. This, in turn, promotes both mental and physical illness. It is as undesirable and loathsome as a disease with violent vomiting and purging.
"Let not the wife depart from her husband! Let not the husband put away his wife."
"And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?’ tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ And they said, ‘Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.’ And Jesus answered and said unto them, ‘For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept, but from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh; What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’ And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he said to them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery." Mark 10:2-12
Again, Matthew states:
"And the Pharisees came to Him, trying Him, and saying, ‘Is it allowed one to dismiss his wife for every cause?’ Now answering, said, ‘Did you not read that the Maker from the beginning makes them male and female?’ and He said, ‘On this account a man shall be leaving father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh? So that no longer are they two, but one flesh. What God, then, yokes together, let not man be separating,’
They are saying to Him, ‘Why, then, does Moses direct to give a scroll of divorce and to dismiss her?’ Jesus is saying to them, that ‘Moses, in view of your hard heartedness, permits you to dismiss your wives. Yet from the beginning it has not come to be thus. Now I am saying to you that whoever should be dismissing his wife [not for prostitution] and should be marrying another, is committing adultery, and he who marries her who has been dismissed, is committing adultery.’" Matthew 19:3-10 concordant
The words "put away" comes from two Greek words, ‘aphieme’ and ‘hiemi’, meaning to send forth, used in various applications as: forsake, lay aside, leave, let alone, omit, remit, suffer, yield up. Divorcement is from two Greek words, ‘apostasion’, properly meaning something separative; specifically divorce, and from ‘aphistemi’, meaning to remove; instigate a revolt, to desist; desert; draw away; refrain; withdraw oneself.
Understanding the time and culture during Moses' day is essential to understand this scripture. Polygamy was both permitted and practiced, the custom being prevalent in the heathen lands of which the Israelites were to become possessors. The tendency of Israel was toward monogamy. However, even among the most beloved patriarchs, duplicity or multiplicity of wives is recorded — and was often the cause of trouble and upheaval in their lives.
Unhappiness and tragedy between rival wives and mixed children unveiled in Old Testament scriptures decry this pagan-versus-monogamist marital practice to this day. In Old Testament times, Ishmaelites practiced divorcing their wives with only a spoken word. For this reason middle eastern and Arab wives adorn themselves still today with costly gold rings, gold earrings, silver necklaces, coins on their head gear and both coin bracelets and anklets.
They did and continue to do this because if their husband should announce to her some morning, "You no longer please me. Goodbye," she, in that moment, has to turn and walk out, taking nothing with her except what she is wearing on her person. But God's standard for lovely wives do not rely upon them wearing costly jewelry, having elaborate coiffures, or extravagant dress.
Rather the women of God have the BEAUTY OF THE INNER PERSONALITY OF A LOVABLE AND GENTLE SPIRIT with the SWEETNESS OF A QUIET AND CALM CHASTITY. These attributes are given by God’s spirit. Reflecting on what Peter knew would hold the interest and love of a Christ-centered husband:
"For you were as straying sheep, but now you turned back to the Shepherd and Supervisor of your souls. Likewise wives may do it by being subject to their own husbands, that, if any are stubborn also, as to the word, they will be gained without a word, through the behavior of their wives, being spectators of your pure behavior in fear, whose adornment, let it not be the outside, of braiding aught into the hair and of decking with gold, or putting on of garments, but the hidden human of the heart, in the incorruptibility of a meek and quiet spirit, which, in God's sight, is costly." I Peter 2:25-3:5 concordant
Paul was aware of God's principle of marriage when he wrote to Timothy that bishops and elders and deacons should be the husband of one wife, not partaker with heathen customs of polygamy. Under the Mosaic law, committing the sin of adultery was not a matter of divorce, for adultery was punishable by death — stoning.
Again, an explanation of their traditional marriage customs and laws of that day help detect what is necessary for our busy modern comprehension to understand God’s clear instruction. Jesus, knowing well the standard customs, said truthfully:
"I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away doth commit adultery."
A man is not to put his wife away exception for her cheating in fornication. If he does and marries another, he is an adulterer at heart. Always, on every precept of every truth, Jesus carries out Our Father's commandments, keeping His laws, not revoking them, yet fulfilling them on a higher realm of spirit.
Scriptural instruction for marriage clearly declares: men should not leave their wife; do not put wives away from themselves; do not defraud them; do not give them a bill of divorcement. CLEAVE to them in every possible way. Wives, SUBMIT to your loving husbands. These are the boundaries that work for marriages that God has joined together.
Of this truth Paul ordained in all churches:
"If any brother [believer] hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." I Corinthians 7:12-15,17
"Let the wives be subject to their own husbands, as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife even as Christ is Head of the ecclesia, and He is the Saviour of the body. Nevertheless, as the ecclesia is subject to Christ, thus are the wives also to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24 concordant
The recorded duties of a Christ-centered relationship involve such terms as husbands being head of the wife just as Christ is head of the ecclesia. Husbands can be loving their wives with a great supply of love, just as Christ loves His ecclesia, the church of the firstborn. He is actively sanctifying it, cleansing it, and presenting us to Himself as a glorious church, not having spots with blemish, or wrinkles of disagreement, or any such thing.
We should be whole and altogether without blemish, flawless! Husbands should be NOURISHING their wives to do likewise, just as Christ is nourishing the church of the firstborn. All admit this as a great mystery. Still an entire series of similes speaks directly concerning husbands and their wives having a lasting love-filled relationship like Christ's endless supply of love that is given to each one of His called-out followers.
Having a true, loving relationship fits the Old Testament pattern in Eden when God and Adam shared by walking and talking over things together. It says that they communed in the “cool of the day”. God, being the Head, counseled and Adam obeyed. God provided and Adam enjoyed caring for His provision. Adam took care of his dwelling place. He was always "home" when God came to commune. He was not afraid, nor ashamed of being "naked" before God.
Adam’s spirit was intelligent of God’s all-knowing spirit. He could name every beast, knowing the very facet of each creature’s nature as revealed in his Godly association. Adam named created life. He had no problem talking with and understanding God or being understood. There was perfect unity and harmony between them. They welcomed the presence of the other. They loved and shared with each other. They were, figuratively speaking, joined as one, married together.
Then one of them broke a regulation. The knowledge of good and evil was born into the heart of this relationship. Fear took hold. Dread replaced peace. Now knowing the shame of nakedness, it drove them into hiding because of the awareness of a blemish, a spot of withdrawal, a separation that had cut through the married union to damage the relationship. Adam’s answering God's call with warmth and eagerness had turned into a far-off response of blaming Eve. Instead of simple yes and no answers, the replies became evasive, shifting attention to Eve’s faults.
The union of fellowship with God was broken when Adam chose to be with Eve, to be separate from the spiritual connection to the Divine. There was fulfilled in that departure the complete takeover of the spirit, soul, and body to prove "you shall surely die." Figuratively speaking, God had made Adam in a union-like marriage that ended in divorce.
God ordained and initiated marriage between a husband and a wife. Man has instituted divorce because of a fallen hardness of heart within him. Marriage for Christians has its problems, but divorce seldom solves these problems. Often, it can make life worse. God gives clear instructions not to divorce, and also He did not forbid marriage:
"The Spirit has explicitly said that during the last times some will desert the faith and pay attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines that come from devils, seduced by the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are branded as though with a red-hot iron: they forbid marriage and prohibit foods which God created to be accepted with thanksgiving by all who believe and who know the truth. Everything God has created is good, and no food is to be rejected, provided it is received with thanksgiving: the word of God and prayer make it holy." I Timothy 4:3 NJB
The forbidding of marriage in Catholicism has produced many examples of seducing spirits working among the priesthood, of seduction into the vilest violations. Even Protestant clergy have vehemently forbid marriage to couples who would join together in marriage. By misunderstanding scripture about former divorce issues, they will not certify divorced believers to an honorable marriage together. Regardless to what men do, what God has joined together in marriage no man can put asunder.
When is marriage an error for a Christian? When God our Father and His Son Jesus Christ are not acknowledged as central to the union. When God is central then He can mold them in loving togetherness — body, soul, and spirit — being made one even in the flesh.
Marriage can be supplied with endless love when instituted within God’s given pattern:
1. Leave parents (all other influences)
2. Cleave unto each other (never let go)
3. Conceal nothing, as unashamed (do not withdraw from the other even being naked)
4. Become one (think that way)
Today Jesus is calling His followers to a marriage supper. He is calling us to a spiritual relationship which conforms us to this same pattern of marriage. We are called to be joined in oneness, a union to oneness that is not found in a church ceremony or a legal document, but is the reality of submitting our spirit to His spirit within our being.
God has planned a third feast, the Feast of Tabernacles. This Feast is an age of feeding His called-out people who will ever be given supply of fine array, clean and white, for the wedding garments of God’s righteous plan. God has no divorce plans. His only plan is a plan of continuous marriage to us, and only He can make it work. The good news is that “he that is joined to the Lord is made one spirit” and He that started this good work “will complete it in the day of the Lord.”
What He gives each of us is for our healing, in each case, as determined by the facts of which He is aware. Yet, if some are ignorant of God's particular characteristics, there are scriptural qualifications for New Testament divorce:
If the unbeliever departs, the believer is free from any marital bondage. Death of the spouse frees the remaining partner. That is the same death promised to Adam. He experienced it by partaking of the tree of knowing good and evil. On that path of departure was disregard of instruction, a "putting away" into death.
To examine and rightly divide the inspired record of truth from the words of human traditions requires us to be established and fashioned according to the Spirit of Truth given of Jesus. He reveals what is right and correct. We must cast aside any “refuge of lie” working within our life as chaff to the wind. We learn to hold firmly to every pure grain of truth God gives us. The Truth God gives is without man’s mixture. It is how we know God has lead us to a new day, a supplying of the bride of Christ to be married, joined in spirit, at a feast of sonship as never before:
"And he is saying to me,’Write: Happy are those invited to the wedding dinner [supper, feast] of the Lambkin’, And he is saying to me, ‘These are the true sayings of God.’" Revelation 19:9 concordant
What kind of blessing can make us be joined to Him in an intimate marriage? When are we made doers of the Word, not hearers of it only? Will we find Christ within us to be sufficient in gaining union within, oneness of spirit with the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ? Christ Jesus loves His ecclesia and gives HIMSELF. It is the greatest example of LOVE in a lasting relationship. Like marriage, it can now end the separation to death.
Now our spirit is alive and is being joined to God’s spirit. We are connected as being one, married to daily walking and talking with God, having relationship with God as being our Father. He feeds us hidden kingdom manna, the bread of life, a daily spiritual bread that forms Christ within our thoughts and causes agreeing union within us with the spirit of Sonship.
Knowing a supply of LOVE is in us, we are being sealed as servants of an age- lasting marriage feast with the Lamb of God!