God has a purpose and a plan for everything He created. Even the elements obey His commands. With mathematical precision, the massive heavenly bodies move and fulfill their purposes. You and I live and move and have our being in HIM.
"The Lord God commanded the man, saying Of every tree of the garden thou may freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shall not eat of it: for in the day that thou eat thereof thou shall surly die. And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." Genesis 2: 16-18
"And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. " Genesis 2:23-25
Jesus taught:
"And He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, FOR THIS CAUSE shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh." Matthew 19:4-6.
"But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh; so then they are no more twain, but one flesh; what therefore, God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mark 10: 6-9
Paul states:
"For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5: 30-33
These premises are truly built into the platform of what we are as human beings and show us the reason for and requirements of a real marriage. These precepts should be taken to heart in understanding the make up and mixture of characteristics that create a united marriage for a man and woman. Scriptural instruction is clear for us:
1. Leave father and mother (other people's influences)
2. Cleave unto the wife (husbands hold on to wife no matter what)
3. Become one (let nothing be between the two of you)
4. Conceal (hide) nothing, be unashamed being naked (open and honest, no matter how painful)
God's pattern for marriage leads two to become one. It is a pattern that is equally true for Christ and true believers. It’s God's pattern for joining our spirit to His Spirit, like a marriage — two become one. God has prepared a marriage supper to help His people attain the perfection of oneness. In this marriage pattern, there is neither allusion to nor provision for divorce. God’s marriage to His people does not include plans for divorce. His spirit always leads us to victory in a unity, a oneness in our spirit and a oneness in our married natural life.
Consider leaving father and mother as a command to leave all present influences including the closest (father and mother) so that a new union can exist with nothing between him and his beloved. Other family members’ expectations should not be so important as to influence or come between the marriage partners’ relationship. Partners who do not fully leave the influence of other people create disunity, and trouble inevitably follows.
When the beginning marriage-union expectations leak out, thoughts of divorce begin to grind inside peoples’ thinking because love has not been reached in accord with the inspired plan. There is unwilling, fleshly nature within everyone, through ignorance or otherwise, that becomes harder to change to truly be able to love another person. Yet husbands are to hold on to their wife (cleave), no matter what difficulty they have experienced together. For disciples of Christ, God always makes ways for a man not to put away his wife, not to separate, not to divorce, or be bitter of heart against her.
God’s principles of marriage simply consists of leaving others and cleaving to each other. “Leave” comes from a Hebrew word ‘awzab’, a primitive root meaning to ‘loosen, i.e. to relinquish one’s permit’. In New Testament references, this word is translated from a Greek word ‘kataloipo’, meaning ‘to let down or leave behind; to abandon; forsake; have a reserve remaining’.
The word “cleave” is from the Hebrew word ‘dabak’, meaning to ‘impinge; cling; adhere’; figuratively, ‘to catch by pursuit; abide fast; follow close (hard after); be joined together; as kept fast’. The Greek word translated cleave is ‘proskallao’, used in New Testament references meaning to ‘glue together, literally or figuratively; adhere to, join, self accession to nearness; stick to; keep company’.
When God joins two partners in marriage, they have a lasting source of love. The godly principles working in these couples will fulfill the reality described in the words leave and cleave. The ascended Lord told the first candlestick church to return to their first love. Lovers do cling to each other — they stick together as if they were glued together. This is the exact picture of a spiritual marriage, a true experience of unity that God inhabits, a prized spiritual blessing of unity, a real help of aligned oneness that God has Fathered.
We do understand and receive our Father's spiritual principles deeper into the fabric of our daily lives. THE PROMISE OF BEING MADE ONE FLESH IS NOT ATTAINED IF MARRIED PARTNERS ARE NOT REALLY DEVOTED TO THE LORD. If two are agreed in spirit, they can be made one in every area of life in order to be happy and content. Who wants to be married to misery and torment, to being despised and hated?
"For other foundation can no man lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ." I Corinthians 3:11
The basic essential of every marriage is like every lasting building, a correct foundation of the principles laid down by Jesus Christ to build a successful life. If, however, commitment to Christ is not a part of one’s life, even the condition of being made “one out of two” will not be accomplished. It is critical for Christians to be equally yoked in marriage to a partner of similar spiritual beliefs.
Webster translates the word “marriage” as the act of legally uniting a man and woman in wedlock; as a relation existing between a husband and wife. In the United States of America today, we are reported to have the highest divorce rate in the world. For most American marriages, the logical and necessary conclusion is that God has not joined together those marriages. Surely the customs of marriage are as varied as the people upon the earth, yet New Testament scripture uses parallels of marriage between a husband and wife to describe and express the loving relationship of Jesus Christ for His true church. This is something we should all know a lot about:
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands, in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the Church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5: 22-33
Consider and amplify the divine instruction to a wife: submit yourselves in reverence. In this passage “submit” comes from a Greek word ‘hupotasso’, which means ‘to be subordinate; to obey; be under obedience; put under; subdue unto; to be subject’. Specifically, in exact Greek usage, it means ‘submit covertly, or modestly’. These last two words clarify the relationship intended for a true wife toward her husband. Webster defines covertly as secretly; in private; sheltered; not open or exposed to others. Moderately means not going to extremes; keeping within boundaries; not excessive; not rigorously unruly nor violent.
Thinking of the wife's submission to her husband in this way is compatible with scriptural teachings. Wives are not holding an inferior position in the household when being guided by her loving husband. Indeed, if the husband is fulfilling his part in the agreement between them, love is given along with God-inspired trust. Knowing God is directing each one to love the other makes this private relationship wonderful. It is only between the two of them that this loving, close relationship exists.
This is a ONENESS that allows a sheltered, private, daily routine of respect and reverence for the partner that establishes well-being in the other. Force to oppress is not used here, and certainly no violence is found in a loving marriage. Scripture defines beautifully the activities of a godly wife and mother:
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil [no lack of gain]. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant's ships; she brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field, and buys it; [a good business woman] with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard [a good manager]. She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good; her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretches out her hand to the poor; yea she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom; [she is a teacher]; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
Many daughters have done virtuously but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." Proverbs 31: 10-31
Surely this proverb describes the Godly characteristics found in the truly married woman. Rarely should we ever find such a woman who is so greatly blessed who does not instinctively submit to her husband in complement to his devotion to loving her.
Secondly, husbands’ duties also can be amplified: love your wives even as Christ loves the church and even as we love our own bodies. God created man to be the head of his wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. The word “head,” according to Strong's concordance, is ‘kephale’ (kef-al-ay') and comes from ‘kapto’, meaning ‘the headship in the sense of seizing control, as a part readily taken hold of, literally or figuratively’.
"Let the wives be subject to their own husbands, as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife even as Christ is Head of the ecclesia, and He is the Saviour of the body." Ephesians 5:21-23 concordant
Christ directs wives to submit to her husband's headship, so as to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This gives the husband some authority over the wife, a responsibility for her. When Christ is the head of both husband and wife, life can be wonderfully fulfilling and right. When this truth is recognized, it guides us through the function of marriage as a comforting flow of godly unity, worked out within by the spirit.
If in any marriage relationship, a woman takes upon herself the headship as by trying to guide affairs too much, like “wearing the pants”, the man's position has then been usurped and deep down they both know it. If she continues to deprive him of his God-given place of being her head, she deprives herself. Such a one actually cheats herself out of finding the satisfaction of unity, of being made one. The years can be spent together, yet not “as one.” Unfortunately, most would claim this as proper and deserved, considering their circumstances.
Headship from Christ supplies correct thinking, nourishing the ability to cherish the other. That headship has vital responsibility, as a husband is literally responsible for his wife's thinking, the family’s attitudes and reactions about the way they are living out God’s principles. God inquires of the MAN for the outcome of his married life.
A general is given command over his army and is held responsible for their welfare. As Christ Jesus is responsible for His Church, so is a man responsible for his wife. Christian marriages can become one out of two, even in the flesh. Eve was to Adam “bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.” It is physically impossible to separate the bone from the flesh without causing great damage. So is it impossible to separate a man from his wife without causing great damage.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ — Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loves us. For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord." Romans 8: 35-37
God’s thinking also decreed:
"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Colossians 3:19
Just as becoming a member of a local organization called a church does not automatically make one of full grown stature in Christ, even so having a legal marriage ceremony with both names written on a ceremonial piece of paper does not make for true joining into one flesh. Marriage in scriptural terms is not the legal ceremony. The ceremony is merely the outward acknowledgment that these two have been granted public license to live together. The ceremony is void of true meaning if love has not already united their hearts.
True marriage takes place in HEARTS THAT ARE IN AGREEMENT at betrothal. Then begins the public unfolding with the appropriate ceremony honoring the union according to each country's particular custom:
"In the same spirit you married women should adapt yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God without any word being spoken, simply by seeing the pure and reverent behavior in you, their wives. Your beauty should not be dependent on an elaborate coiffure, or on the wearing of jewelry or fine clothes, but on the inner personality, the unfading loveliness of a calm gentle spirit, a thing very precious in the eyes of God.
This was the secret of the beauty of the holy women of ancient times who trusted in God and were submissive to their husbands. Sarah, you will remember, obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. And you have become, as it were, her true descendants today as long as you too live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears.
Likewise, you husbands should try to understand the wives you live with, honoring them as physically weaker yet equally heirs with you of the grace of eternal life. If you don't do this, you will find it impossible to pray properly." 1 Peter 3:1-7
“Praying properly” would help husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. Wisdom has a great variety of applications and implications as: to be aware of, feel sympathy, perceive truth, be resolved, sure, understanding with intelligence (or consciousness); to see completely, have co-perception of a holy moral consciousness.
What a feast husbands and wives would have if they would trust God for open communication, for finding new ways to work together and discuss problems openly until agreement could be found between them. By this, in essence they are trusting God to make them one spirit, to renew their minds, and be made one in their life as flesh and blood people.
Our Father leads each marriage partner to be conscious of the other, to fit the other. He enables us to see and understand more completely from the other's viewpoint, co-perceiving their problems, pressures, or emotional stresses of momentary physical unfitness. Each are being aware of and resolving to speak in sympathy and loving assurance with the other in clear understanding because BOTH ARE BEING MADE HEIRS OF GOD. God dwelling within us produces proper marriages like girders of steel of expanding marriage unity!
I speak of a man and his wife who are established in Christ: the two shall be made one flesh.